Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Wordy Wednesday - Much Improved Poetry

I am learning a lot on my course already - I really am! I am writing and changing my poetry until it turns from something I like to something I can be proud of. I was intimidated at first - I looked at the poems posted on the bulletin board and was awed. I thought my poetry was pretty good - my friends are always telling me so - but what do they know. Some of the stuff on the bulletin boards was amazing - I looked at it and my initial thoughts were "I can never write like that, it just isn't in me" now I am not so sure.

I love writing but haven't always had staying power. I often dash off something that is pretty good, but then become precious about it and want to leave it unadulterated. What a mistake - some of those poems could be so much better with a bit of tweaking, a word changed here or there. Anyway last week I wrote a poem about my son who has just turned 14. I liked it, but after a bit of feedback and reworking I am really pleased with it. I don't usually share poetry here but will make an exception today...here goes. Let me know what you think...

Birthday

Fourteen years old today.
Shaggy haired, stretch limbed,
Like a boy doused in miracle grow.
Will fourteen trip the hormone switch in his brain,
Send him falling helter skelter,
Tangle legged into the world of irascible awakenings?
Might something stir within him, monster like
Driving away the boy we know,
Leaving instead a belligerent alien with a child’s face?
At the door he stumbles
Foxed by the stilts that once were legs
Tripping over his clowns feet,
His voice ripped from his throat,
And replaced with that of a man.

3 comments:

Anvilcloud said...

It works for me: some very good imagery. I liked the verb, foxed.

I also like your use of precious in your prose. Few on this side would think to use it that way.

pupski said...

thankyou!

RichM said...

It's nice to see that you have taken to heart the writers' adage "show, don't tell." It also has a nice metrical sort feel to it.